I am one of the ,,,,

.... forgotten mothers and it hurts so much.  The pain is gut wrenching to the point that I feel like my heart is being ripped out.  I am not alone living with this kind of pain, there are so many around the world.  Reunion doesn't make any difference as the pain becomes even more real knowing my son and the life he has had.  His adoptive parents are nice people who clearly love him but they can't or don't want to understand what I went through for him to be adopted.  It is easier and the comfortable option to believe I wanted my son to be adopted and have two parents.  I want to scream at the world this isn't true, the truth is I wanted to raise my son, I wanted to be a mother.

I am an ordinary woman who lives an ordinary life in an ordinary town yet I have been told by one person that a film could be made of my life.  It could but I wonder how many people would believe it was true.  When I tell friends about my life they can't understand why I was treated the way I was by certain family members.  It does sound bizarre to the point of unbelievable yet I know it's the truth. I know there are people who do bleive me as they have had similar lives to me.

When I was growing up I didn't know that adoption would have such an impact on me. I knew I had three cousins who were internationally adopted but I just accepted it.  Adoption just wasn't a subject that was talked about.  Even after my son was adopted I was expected to get on with my life, never talk about him and to get on with my life.

Adoption hurts.