1st April 2012

It's the first anniversary of my Mum dying.  Last night was tougher than today which surprised me.  Maybe having friends sons over the night helped to be a distraction today.  They are staying over again tonight as their mother is ill

I still have mixed emotions as I loved my mother but it is still painful her involvement in my son's adoption.  I will never be able to understand how a mother can be so cruel as to one of her grandchildren being adopted.  Mum instilled into my sister and I how important family is and that we should be there for each other.  I still can't understand why she rejected her only grandson twice.  The first time because she didn't want the 'shame' of her daughter being a single mother, the second time post reunion.  She could never understand why he wanted to know me whereas I could never understand why my mum couldn't accept him.

I will never have the answers of my questions so I cope the best I can.  This afternoon I rang my Dad and I'm glad I did.  He sounded quite cheerful and we talked about the family.  It's almost as if my Dad has found a new lease in life,