3rd February 2012

On Wednesday we were back at the hospital and I found out I had a broken bone so had my foot and leg strapped up.  An appointment was made for me at the Darlington Memorial Hospital to have a plaster cast put on.  I was also given a pair of crutches to use and we borrowed a wheelchair from the Red Cross. Yesterday I had a very boring morning at the hospital which included two trips to x-ray. It's actually a bone in my ankle that is broken.  I'm feeling frustrated at being reliant on other people.  I am doing my best to keep happy but am fed up of being restricted in what I do.

Being at home is giving me too much time to think in between doing things for Rick.  On the other hand it may be the right opportunity to get me more pro-active about adoption methods over the years.  Times may have changed and coercion isn't so obvious these days but there is still a lot wrong with the system.  There are still children being taken away from their parents that shouldn't and others that should be returned with the families being given help and support to stay together.  On the other one abused dying or being badly hurt is one child too many but it still happens.

One thing I would like to see is more mothers willing to come forward and talk about their own experiences.  I can understand why so many don't as they were beaten down by society and don't feel comfortable talking now.  I know I was made to feel guilty and ashamed, that I was nothing and certainly not a mother.  From personal experience I know what it like to be told I don't deserve to be called a mother, I'm a 'birth' mother, my son shouldn't call me mum and my own mother couldn't understand why he wanted to know me.  As far as she was concerned my son's adoptive family is his only family and I am nothing to hin.