Reunion was something I never expected,
A dream I couldn't allow myself,
If it happened then be deeply regretted,
A dream to be put on a high shelf.
Enduring the years with regret in my heart,
Wishing I had support and been stronger,
That I could relive that time with me son a part,
Knowing that I could only ever ponder.
Unhappiness deep in my soul, my very being,
A happy face for the world to see,
A pain deep inside like a tide never receding,
Never showing the complete and real me.
Nobody to talk to who would understand,
My silence was my invisible wall,
Until the day I found my son, a shock for me,
Wanting to be brave, not wanting to fall.
I wasn't prepared for what was to follow,
Pain, joy, sadness, love, so many emotions,
Nothing could replace the years of sorrow,
Or prepare me for our future conversations.
Our reunion hasn't been so perfect,
Words that have been spoken,
That cannot be taken back then perfected,
Wanting the time over again.
Nobody knows the damage done to two souls,
Until it is too late for mother and child,
One old enough to remember, taking a toll,
The other too young, oh child of mine.
Philippa Hope -Hornsey