So Many Times ....

So many times I want to tell you I love you,
The times I wanted to hug and kiss you,
The pain is so deep inside me aching,
But my head tells me to be happy.

So many times I have hated myself,
Wanting to shout and cry out loud,
Wishing I could turn back the clock,
Wondering how I let this happen.

So many times I have dreamed about you,
Hoping that you are happy to be alive,
Then knowing about your life and family,
Still trying to find that inner peace for me.

Philippa Hope-Hornsey